Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
