508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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