Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
