pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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