If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
