What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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