are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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