last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
