i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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