Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
