A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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