You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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