shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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