the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
