I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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