i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
