In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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