ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
