Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
