ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
