That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
