So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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