Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
