You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
