tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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