My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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