She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
