So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize