It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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