Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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