I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
