At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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