Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
