Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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