im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
