can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
