someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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