The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
