Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We got so high we made milksteak
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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