Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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