i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
