alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
