that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So many bounce houses so little time
She told me I should be a condom model.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
