remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
