whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize