New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think your dad took our porno
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
