Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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