Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
