this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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