if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I should be sponsored by Trojan
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just googled if crying burns calories
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
