Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
