Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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