Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
