Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
