I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
