Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
