i may or may not be watching the land before time
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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