ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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