she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
