Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Who died my cat blue again?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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