would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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