my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
