In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
