So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
