I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
NoShamevember. You game?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
