No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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