oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
